Overheard At The Library

"I should sue the hospital because I had cancer 40 years ago and now my sphincter muscles are shot"
---Wow...overshare...

"Are dvd's going to be released on Friday's now because Tim* isn't here anymore?"
---yeah, that's how this works...we've spoken to Hollywood about it

"I'm very concerned that the library will soon be infiltrated by bedbugs, which will then lead to the entire town being overrun.  I've spoken to some exterminators about it and they suggested it would be ok if the books were microwaved for 30-40 seconds.  I figure 20 seconds should probably cut it.  Are there any metal rods in the books that I should be aware of? I don't want to ruin my microwave."
---I'm gonna go ahead and say NO YOU CAN'T MICROWAVE THE BOOKS! There is a metal sensor and yes it will eff up your microwave as well as the sensor we paid for! STOP BEING CRAZY!

"I was just thinking about your distinct gait.  Whenever I hear you walking behind me I know it's you.  It's a specific shuffle.  It's very sexy"
---ummmmm...Thank you?

*names have been changed in the ridiculous chance that someone talks to someone who knows someone who wants to flip out