Worst Personal Ad Ever

(also a lousy ad)

I enjoy reading the personal ads in the New York Review of Books (it's pretty much the only thing I enjoy in the NYRB).  I generally find them entertaining in their lack of modesty while proclaiming themselves the most modest person alive.  However, the current issue contains a personal ad that I find so incredibly depressing that I'm trying to fight off the urge to email this woman myself just to tell her that she's officially labeled herself as the most pathetic, sad woman ever.

"LA. Formerly pretty, formerly slender 69 years retired woman, out of shape, overweight, never married, terrified of commitment, blue eyed, grey and brown haired independent woman seeks independent man.  I'd ask for fit and handsome but let's be real. Must have sense of humor, read a lot, passionate about eating, napping, my sweet doggie, and a low energy lifestyle."

WOW.  Who doesn't want to date that??  She's pretty much outlined why she hates herself and why any reasonable person might also.  But it's cool.  She's got her dog to keep her company.

Dear lady,
While you may have lost your figure and looks, you probably have SOME redeeming qualities.  Perhaps you are a fabulous cook? Enjoy discussing literature? Love a cozy evening in? Maybe you have such a free spirit that no one has been able to tame you?! I don't know! Those are the sorts of ways that you explain your lack of interest in moving off the couch and eating a gallon of rocky road each night!  Not by giving the world the mental picture of your poor Pomeranian being force fed cheetos while you watch Golden Girls reruns!
Please consider resubmitting when you stop hating yourself.
xo,
A now sad reader